Great Dogs of History

12 Sep

Wishbone, one of the greatest fictional dogs in recent history.

The modern world has reached a consensus; Dogs are awesome. They have twice the amount of legs as humans do, can’t tell the difference between right and wrong (apart from Wishbone), and will love anyone that has food. It is a little known fact that Shakespeare’s well known play Othello may have been originally written about the love between a man and a dog. And I can’t help but think that had Shakespeare kept it that way, things would’ve ended a lot better!

It is also a little known fact that dogs have played a pivotal role in the history of humanity. Here, we retrospectively examine the history of dogs, and look to the future, where, inevitably, they will be our rulers. Three woofs for all!

Jeff Koon's Puppy

Jeff Koon’s puppy is made entirely out of shrubbery. Unfortunately it is also usually inanimate and as such has had a somewhat limited contribution to the world of artistic gymnastics.

It has now been ten years since the Baha Men, in a touching example of post-global disenfranchisement, expressed their concern over the removal of dogs from their natural habitat. Ten years on and we are still left wondering exactly who is responsible for the letting of the dogs (read: human cultural paradigms) out  (the proliferation of McDonaldisation following the technological revolution).

The world's largest dog.

Like humans, dogs are getting larger. It seems like every week our headlines are dominated by tales of huge dogs enslaving their owners. Dogs are now getting so large that Louis Vuitton announced recently that the luxury label’s signature dog bag will be released in larger sizes.

One enslaved dog owner.

Soon dogs will be so large that no bag will contain them!

With every larger dog, humanity comes closer to extinction. I for one welcome our new canine overlords with open arms, with the hope that I may be kept alive during the coming revolution because of my invaluable services to the arts.

Clearly they are plotting something.

You have been warned.

Next week: The Catorialist and the future of Cat-ture.

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