Sydney Welcomes Oprah

13 Dec

After what’s cost taxpayers an estimated $3 million, initially set aside to be wasted invested in the NSW government’s phantom metro system, she’s finally hit our shores. Yes, that’s right, it’s Oprah-mania here in Sydney. With an entourage of 300 guests, security, staff and requisite stalkers (kept at bay with a few kilometres of electric wire fencing), America’s talk-show queen not only brings rare good publicity to Sydney’s starving shores, a freak outbreak of spontaneous emotional outpourings on Sydney streets has been reported, up some 78 per cent from the December average. Emotional binge eating is also on a rise. 

Sydney is to play host to two recording’s of Oprah’s talk-show, the first time she has been allowed to leave the United States for filming. Sources have stated that Oprah compares her situation, of being imprisoned in her Chicago studios by masses of middle-class housewives, to that of recently released Burmese democratic superstar Aung San Suu Kyi. The similarities are uncanny.

In further events leading up to Tuesday’s recording, Sydney’s iconic concert venue, the Sydney Opera House, was not the only victim of the media’s “witty” punning. The O-fficial welcome party overlooking the harbour at Mrs Macquarie’s Chair featured an extravagant display of fireworks, exploding against the backdrop of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, recently affixed with a large glowing “O”. In what could’ve been a publicity disaster, the VIPs at Oprah’s shebang were left bewildered, staring for several minutes, contemplating words beginning with “O” and “O”-shaped things. It was Oprah’s longtime confidante and friend, Gayle King, who was reported to have saved the night, screaming ‘It’s obviously “O” for “O-stralia y’all!’ Good work Gayle.

Yet despite being the toast of Sydney’s royalty, Oprah has also found the time to visit the plebeian inhabitants of the harbour city, spending time with the family of Liz Maroun in the western suburb of Earlwood as she was treated to our national dish of VB and snags on the barbie. Intimates of Oprah say she will be including a slab of VB in every future gift giveaway on her show, sparking a surge in Fosters share prices, the owners of the brand, with a predicted break into the American market in the new year after the O-Treatment.
After a quick costume change, Oprah was also spotted paying a visit to a local house party in the suburb of Glebe in the early hours of Sunday morning. Photographers who managed to make it past the heavy security at the entrance of the private property captured Oprah throwing back her own body weight in spirits, and showing the local indie kids a taste of ghetto booty. Jaded Label has managed to gain access to a few of these shots which show the high-spirited teens enjoying the company of the American superstar but the veracity of this report is yet to be confirmed.Oprah was not seen to leave the premises with speculations that she may still be in the house in circulation.
(Disclaimer: the facts behind this article may or may not be true and any insensitivities raised by it are not representative of the beliefs of any of the persons involved in its production but for the sake of pithy commentary and entertainment. Art for art’s sake, or something to that effect.)

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